François MITTERRAND desperate not to see his lover. 1938

François Mitterrand (1916.1996)

Autograph letter signed to Marie-Louise Terrasse, known as Catherine Langeais.

Two pages in quarto. [Paris]. October 26, 1938.

"My voice clears, my mind is freed, my genius fades, and I become once again that number created for an unknown purpose.". »

Mitterrand, his readings of Saint Simon and Auguste Comte, and his passionate love.

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"My darling, while you are but a little girl with a red nose and bleary eyes, I have just left a sumptuous luncheon that visiting friends have treated me to. Unequal fortunes! Injustice of the divine plan! Your flu settles in as if in conquered territory and confines you to a room, while my cold becomes delicate, considerate, and grants me a freedom I hope is not temporary. My voice clears, my mind is freed, my genius fades, and I become once again that number created for an unknown purpose , that number one would hardly be able to distinguish from the desperately anonymous mass."

My dear Marie-Louise, whom I love even when I have the flu (what a miracle!), what a pleasure it is to be with you again (for lack of anything better) for these few moments of writing! I note with pride that I am capable of loving you for at least three days straight without faltering! And yet I could have perfectly well done without the experience! Hurry, my darling, and get rid of this illness, which doesn't even have the vanity (I hope) of being serious. I long to tell you out loud that I love you. Three, four days without you: I can't imagine eternity any longer.

Yesterday, I wandered aimlessly, my head foggy and my heart without purpose. Auguste Comte was becoming tedious; the devaluation was becoming a deplorable political issue; Saint-Simon was losing all interest.

I'm picking up this letter again in the Luxembourg Gardens ; Claudie is sitting on the same bench as me, to my right, and very well-behaved. The fog has enveloped the paths, and the russet chestnut trees are filled with melancholy. I, quite remarkably, am thinking of you, and I'm thinking that I love you—it's all in all a way of coming back to square one. A street sweeper is coming to fill us with smoke as he sweeps away the fallen leaves; why are leaves denied the right to die wherever they please? I don't want to keep Claudie waiting. I'm going to stop. I miss you. I'm waiting for nothing but you. So there's only one thing left for you to do: get better and come to me without delay. From a selfish point of view: seeing you is my greatest joy. So you understand my impatience. My dearest little girl, have I told you often enough that I love you? In any case, I want this letter to bring you further proof of my love. François.

Tomorrow, I hope to see you. But don't be imprudent if you're stuck at home: I'm counting on a letter, and for a meeting that I assume will be soon, you can always call me (between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m.). My darling, I adore you

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Catherine Langeais (1923.1998), whose real name is Marie-Louise Terrasse, met François Mitterrand on January 28, 1938, during the École Normale Supérieure ball, with whom, although only 15 years old, she became engaged. Mitterrand wrote more than 300 letters to the woman he nicknamed Zou.