François MITTERRAND and the moral pain of his military service.

François Mitterrand (1916.1996)

Autograph letter signed to Marie-Louise Terrasse, known as Catherine Langeais.

Four pages, small quarto. Water stain on the first ^sheet , for which Mitterrand apologizes.

[Fort d'Ivry]. January 5, 1939.

"And besides, my little girl, you know very well that I have this major flaw of not being docile."

Mitterrand was desperate because he couldn't see his love.

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"My beloved Marie-Louise, this nasty cold I've been dragging around for the past few days is getting worse and worse. It gives me no respite. And since the physical is affecting my spirits, I'm feeling rather down today. It's unbearable to be separated from you. I can't seem to be truly happy away from you. If this lasts, as I hope and believe it will, for the rest of my life, it promises you the constant annoyance of my presence. I told you, 'I'll spend my time watching you,' but I was only half lying: the other half, I'll close my eyes and savor your company."

You must have thought me quite tyrannical the other day! I didn't obey you at all! My dear, don't think it will be like this for many things; I know you are and will be right, and I will try to give you everything you ask for: our love will be enough and will help us weigh the good and the bad in everything. And besides, my little girl, you know very well that I have this great fault of not being docile. Should I try to correct it?

Last night, I wrote to your mother. I told her I would probably come to see her on Wednesday. Unfortunately, having time off tomorrow is problematic. I would still like to clear the air as soon as possible. In any case, I can go out from 5:15 p.m. onwards, as usual. So I expect to see you as planned, from 6:00 to 6:15 p.m. My beloved, it is impossible for me to remain without seeing you. So, see you on Wednesday. I am waiting for that moment when I will finally be happy. When I see your mother, I will tell her what I have often confided in you: that I know it is her duty to worry about you, that her fears are natural, and that I only ask to explain: I love you and want the right to see you. Your mother wrote to me: “We will get along very well.” I sincerely hope so, but I will never agree to stop our meetings: that would be to deny my love.

My dear Marie-Louise, the mail was stingy for me this morning: nothing, not the long-awaited blue envelope. Have you been very busy at home? You know I need you and that a day without you is a wasted day. My darling, I so hope to receive a token of your love tomorrow: I need it.

Sunday's tête-à-tête didn't put you in any danger. I love you so much, my darling, that the mere thought of choosing anyone else, even for a moment, is unthinkable. And you are my beloved fiancée. Nothing matters to me except you.

I'm continuing this letter in the canteen: a glass of white wine in front of me! Don't think I'm slipping down the slippery slope of drunkenness! But I'm really tired and I need to sustain myself, especially since I had to carry a machine gun mount on my shoulders for a good part of the morning: it didn't exactly leave me feeling fresh!

My darling little Zou, please let me know quickly, otherwise I'll think the only young man at the Christmas tree has intervened, and not without success… My dearest, I'm finishing this letter, see you tomorrow. I'm miserable without you. Tell me quickly that you love me: it's now my reason for living. And when I think of the long hours that will pass between this one, when I'm writing to you, and the one when I'll hear and read of your love, I can't help but be terribly sad. My darlingest, I love you, that's all. No, that's not all: I adore you. François. PS Oh dear, someone clumsy spilled water on my letter, please forgive me! Fr.

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Catherine Langeais (1923.1998), whose real name is Marie-Louise Terrasse, met François Mitterrand on January 28, 1938, during the École Normale Supérieure ball, with whom, although only 15 years old, she became engaged. Mitterrand wrote more than 300 letters to the woman he nicknamed Zou.