The most beautiful love letter ever: Romain GARY – “Being a man”.

Romain GARY (1914.1980)

Autograph letter signed to Christel Söderlund.

Six quarto pages on Café de France letterhead.

Restorations to the folds.

Nice. April 14, 1938.

“Remember that the things in the world I respect most are honor and righteousness .”

One of the most beautiful love letters ever: Romain Gary, 24, passionate, sensual, and demanding, proclaims his ideals to Christel Söderlund, his first love. The letter is tinged with a moving romantic force, a loving desire present in every line, and a vain force of conviction: you have to be a man!

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My little girl, sweet, bad, good, unique...

I feel so terribly sad and alone that your letter, instead of cheering me up, almost hurt me, made me sadder still and I want to cry like an idiot. If only I could know that you are mine, mine alone, mine, only mine, from head to toe, with all your body that I see, as if you were lying there beside me, as if I were still caressing you, everywhere, little girl, everywhere, with my lips, my teeth, my fingers! ...

Christel, ten days have passed since you left and now, perhaps, you know better, you see better if you are really mine, mine alone, do you understand, if you and I, that's really it or if it was only something else... I know that you are selfish and that you love me to the extent that it pleases you, but I would like to know if it is something stronger than you, if you can, really, leave everything to be mine , or if only das ist eine soeche liebe, suss und klein, die von ezeit bist zeit zu fullen schönist wie das Goethe nicht geschruben pat... [It is such a love, sweet and derisory, to which one gives in from time to time, as Goethe could not have written]

It's very beautiful, Christel, luxury chocolate, and with me, I fear, there will be very little chocolate, little girl, and even less luxury... Christel, remember that the things in the world that I respect most are honor and rectitude , remember that if I love you as a woman it is also because I love you as a man and that one of our two loves will never , for me, without the other... It is very difficult to be a man. But if there is something that counts, in life, if there is something truly sacred, it is this: to be a man. It is to the extent that you will be, or that you will strive to be (because it is perhaps impossible) that you will always be very close to me, even if thousands of kilometers separate us, it is by this hard will to succeed in being a man that you will always be, in the most beautiful sense of this word, my wife ...

I am afraid, Christel, that you will not understand these few words which are so important to me; I am afraid, too, that these words are impossible to understand , at this moment , in Vienna . If I am writing them to you, it is because, desperately, I am looking for something which could bring you closer to me… And nothing, never, neither marriage, nor love, nor children will bring me closer to you than this: the effort to be a man . It is through this effort, through this hard will, through this aspiration to human dignity, to the human condition, that your blood, Christel, will be in my blood, your thought in my thought, and your hand, little girl, in my hand.

There are perhaps too many capital letters, too many capital letters, in what I am telling you now. But these are not big letters, big words: these are big feelings and we must not be ashamed. And then, we are alone, at this moment, you and I, no one is listening to us, we can talk quietly. There is this horrible music… but I will speak in your ear… like that… You must live for this, Christel. You must work, fight for this. You must love for this. I say “love” and not “make love”. I would like to be this love and for this love for me to help you in the effort. But perhaps you will find another man, who helps you better, more than me. I would be happy… although unhappy…

In any case, Christel, never forget this: reject far from you the love that does not enrich, that does not help you to be, to become a man . I would be so happy if I could help you! But first you must see clearly within yourself. What I am advising you here requires much, much more courage than you believe. It has nothing to do with pleasure, and almost nothing to do with happiness ... in any case, not for people who believe - the unfortunate ones! - that happiness is only the maximum of pleasure. Happiness - my happiness - is a very hard path. On this path, there is no Sachs, there is no Vincens, there is no Lilliebio - there is no one.

It takes courage to walk this path alone, but I suggest you walk together: with me. I believe that one day you will be able to walk this path. I thought so when I saw you walking in the mountains, barefoot... Do you remember? In a few days, I will send you a photo: you and me, on this path. Yes... don't be surprised!

You have to work, my dear, you have to study, be alone, fight, suffer a lot, in the effort and despise the men who send luxury chocolates... My God, I'm stupid. I'm boring you. No, maybe... I don't know. Sometimes I doubt, I think I won't be heard... you're so blonde! I've talked too much... and I don't want to stop... I want to continue... I'm an idiot! But an idiot who loves you . Romain. "

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Romain Gary met Christel Söderlund-Kryland, a young 21-year-old Swedish journalist, in Nice in July 1937. Gary's first great love, their passion was all-consuming and brief. After a few months together, Christel (who would inspire Gary to play Brigitte in Promise at Dawn ), already married, returned to her native country in June 1939 to resume her life as a wife to the musician and composer Axel-Bror Söderlundh. Gary never forgot this passion.