François MITTERRAND desperate not to see his lover. 1938

François Mitterrand (1916.1996)

Autograph letter signed to Marie-Louise Terrasse, known as Catherine Langeais.

Two pages in 4°. [Paris]. October 26, 1938.

“My voice clears, my brain frees itself, my genius dies, and I become again this number created for an unknown purpose. »

Mitterrand, his readings of Saint Simon and Auguste Comte, and his desperate love.

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“My dearest, While you are just a little girl with a red nose and blurred eyes, I am coming out of a generous lunch that some passing friends gave me. Inequality of conditions! Injustice of the divine plan! Your flu takes hold in a conquered country and confines you to a room, my cold becomes delicate, cautious, and leaves me in freedom which I hope is not temporary. My voice clears, my brain frees itself, my genius dies, and I once again become this number created for an unknown purpose , this number that would be difficult to distinguish from the desperately anonymous mass.

My Marie-Louise, whom I love, even has the flu (what a miracle!), what a pleasure to see you again (for lack of a better word) for these few moments of writing! I note with pride that I am capable of loving you for at least three days in a row without weakening! And yet I would have done perfectly well without the experience! Hurry up, my darling, to put an end to this illness which does not even have the vanity (I hope) of being serious. I can't wait to tell you out loud that I love you. Three, four days without you: I can't imagine eternity being longer.

Yesterday I wandered around, my head foggy and my heart aimless. Auguste Comte was forbidding; devaluation became deplorable politically; Saint-Simon lost all interest.

I am taking this letter back to Luxembourg ; Claudie is sitting on the same bench as me, to my right, and very well behaved. The fog has invaded the paths and the red chestnut trees are filled with melancholy. I, extraordinarily, think of you, and I think that I love you, it's in short a way of getting back to the same point. A sweeper comes to smoke us out by chasing away the fallen leaves; why do we refuse the right to leaves to die wherever they want? I don't want to keep Claudie waiting. I'm going to stop. I miss you. I'm just waiting for you. So there is only one thing left for you to do: get well and come to me without delay. Selfish point of view: Seeing you is my greatest joy. So you understand my impatience. My darling little girl, have I told you enough that I love you? In any case, I want this letter to bring you a new testimony of my love. Francis.

Tomorrow I hope to see you. But don't be careless, if you are kept at home: I'm counting on a letter and for an appointment that I assume is coming soon, you can always call me (between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m.). My darling, I adore you. »

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Catherine Langeais (1923.1998), whose real name is Marie-Louise Terrasse, met François Mitterrand on January 28, 1938, during the École Normale Supérieure ball, with whom, although only 15 years old, she became engaged. Mitterrand wrote more than 300 letters to the woman he nicknamed Zou.